Nov
18, 2012 :
India is a land of contrasts. While one half of the
country is trapped in tradition, the other half straddles tradition and
modernity with elan. This divide cannot be bridged in a hurry. The ‘work in
progress’ sign will be up for a long time, writes Shefali Tripathi Mehta.
A
girl in a burka, the veil thrown back, riding a scooter with an old man on
pillion in Ahmedabad city; sprightly women in sarees, heads covered, driving
two wheelers in small-town Bikaner; an LCD TV in a 10x10 room of a Mumbai
chawl; the raddiwala giving me his ‘mobile’ number at my Bangalore home, once
enigmatic, these are now quintessential images of modern India.
A generation that head-bangs, also plays antakshari singing Kishore Kumar hits;
gorges on pizza and fries but craves for home-cooked daal-chawal; wears jeans
to college but slips effortlessly into traditional attire at religious and
social functions; talks ‘dude’ language with friends and switches to the
vernacular at home; men and women heading teams across the world ask their
parents to ‘arrange’ their marriages — our complex social mindset and conduct
straddle tradition and modernity with élan.
It is also true that this picture of amazing balance still goes askew. Those
that study or work together, fall in love but cannot marry because of differences
in caste, religion or social class; honour killings, female infanticide, dowry
demands and deaths are still unchecked; the poor struggling to make two ends
meet still borrow for elaborate marriage, birth or death ceremonies due to
societal pressures; highly educated Indians still employ small children as
domestic help and the instances of their abuse make us want to hang our heads
in shame.
But the learning curve has been steep. We are a country today where those that
lived without electricity in remote villages, walking miles to school, work in
multinationals; from studying science in vernacular, we have gone on to teach
in universities across the world; the house-help who mops our floors sends her
kids to study in English medium, private schools. The divide cannot be bridged
in a hurry. The ‘work in progress’ sign will be up for a long time.
Trapped in tradition
More and more youngsters from smaller towns and villages, from the middle and
lower income groups, many of these first generation literates, on the strength
of their hard work and the fire in their bellies, move to bigger cities to
study and work; to travel and live abroad.
Though every generation of youngsters demands independence — the need to live
on their own terms, away from the questioning control of parents — with
increased exposure and familiarity with other cultures, interaction and
exchange of ideas with foreigners, we aspire to be more like the rest of the
world.
The economic liberalisation, the new jobs, the international stores, coupled
with our increased purchasing power allows us to dress, eat and live like
anyone else anywhere in the world.
Indian parents try to fulfil all the needs and wishes of their children well
into their adulthood. A driver who rides a bicycle to work will work extra
hours to buy his son a motorbike. Parents may not be able to save for their old
age or illness but will provide for their kids’ education, marriage and other
needs. The West is a more individualistic society. Parents do not expect their
children to live with them, care for them during old age or help them
financially. Children are encouraged to work and earn for their needs.
Just as the Indian parent is culturally conditioned to support their kids well
into adulthood, so are Indian children to provide for them during old age and
illness. But when children feel duty-bound and confined, or when parents cannot
make adjustments with the fast-paced changes modern life demands, conflicts
arise.
Children who grew up perfectly happily in joint families prefer nuclear ones
now, mainly because their parents or elders cannot accept the changes that they
have adopted. Tradition is a guide, not a jailer, said Somerset Maugham. In
these times, the tradition of ‘respect for elders’ cannot translate into
undisputed acceptance of their word.
Youngsters still need advice and guidance from elders, but they also have more
information and resources to do things independently. Nor does the ‘do as told’
dictate for women work. At the time of marriage, the groom’s family which wants
a qualified girl who works and earns as well as the boy does, cannot later
expect her to return home on time, eat last, bear sons and not travel on
work.
Respect and tolerance
In a country where neighbourhoods have been extended families and neighbours
are still referred to as akka, didi, bhaiya, anna, bhabhiji, even strangers on
the road are addressed as uncle and aunty, we slide effortlessly into the
convention of calling people much older and senior to us by their names at
work.
Oprah Winfrey’s comment that “some Indian people eat with their hands still”
outraged Indians for its lack of sensitivity towards our culture. At formal
buffets or sit-down dinners, we use cutlery, but when the occasion demands,
most of us do not hesitate to use our fingers. This is a matter of reverence
for our surroundings, people and the occasion. This is culture. Eating with a
spoon is not.
Ours is a culture of respect and love for all; tolerance of every other
culture. The feet touching, head bowing, namaskara, aarti, tilak application
are acts of veneration and love, not to be confused with a servile or
subservient outlook.
It is imperative for us to reflect on how some of our beautiful community
festivals like Teej, Raksha Bandhan, Holi, Onam and Lohri have come to acquire
such an indelible religious tarnish? The Holi Baraat is one of the oldest
traditions of Lucknow in which Hindus and Muslims take out a procession to
spread the message of peace and brotherhood. It is Ustad Bismillah Khan’s
shehnai that plays at Hindu weddings.
For generations, hundreds of Muslims in Vrindavan have been stitching clothes
for the Hindu deities. In the royal kingdom of Bhopal, which had a majority
Hindu population and Muslim rulers, it was the Hindus who prepared the Iftaar
during Ramzan and the Muslim rulers who began the Diwali celebrations. Hazrat
Nizamuddin Aulia and Amir Khusrau loved and wrote about Holi. Bahadur Shah
Zafar’s Holi phags are sung even today.
What is modernity?
‘Breaking the shackles of superstition, the grandchildren of an orthodox man,
who never allowed his children to witness the solar eclipse, had their bit of
freedom…Almost thirty years later, when his father is no more, Sarvesh with his
wife and two children came to Lalbagh to see the celestial event with the dead
man’s X-ray film, which was cut into four pieces.’ The newspapers reported.
This attitude of the older generation was formed centuries ago when man feared
the wrath of nature, when knowledge of celestial phenomenon was limited.
Modernity is not the rejection of culture and traditions, but a rational
interpretation and forward-looking attitude. Any tradition that regresses
should be dismissed, but to reject something due to ignorance or imitation is
foolhardy.
As a society, we’re already divided on the basis of caste, culture, religion,
socio-economic status and standing. Now the divide, spurred by rapid
technological developments, threatens us.
When a woman climbing an escalator going down in a mall is laughed at and
youngsters stand around making videos of her to share on social networking
sites — such deceptive modernity shames our gracious culture. If we can take by
the hand the bewildered, old man in his village clothes afraid to cross the
busy city road, across, we are truly progressive and cultured.
An incident that exposes our general lack of sensitivity in dealing with those
that are not with-it yet, as also our fallacious notion of modernity involves a
middle-aged woman who entered the washroom at the Bengaluru International
Airport wearing a traditional ghagra-choli, her head covered with an odhni.
“Sit on the seat,” the attendant hollered from the other end, above heads
crowding the limited space. The woman said she only needed to pee. “SIT on the
seat!” the attendant was firm.
In her anxiety, the woman left the door ajar. She first faced the seat, then
turned her back to the seat, finally, unable to figure out how to use the
western-style commode, left without relieving herself. Are the Eastern-style squat
toilets that the whole country used not so long ago suddenly so passé that they
cannot be installed in a couple of cubicles at public conveniences?
Is it better to allow a major part of the population such humiliation, distress
and watch them take a dump on the roadsides? So, even though many a with-it
women think it is a crap idea, many city malls have graphical illustrations
inside their facilities showing how a Western-style commode should be used by
women.
Reinvent, revive
The idea was a little alien at first — celebrating festivals on weekends, but
in this fast-paced urban life, it has emerged as a great alternative for
keeping our wonderful traditions alive. Housing societies and apartment
complexes these days see people across different regions and faiths come
together to celebrate all festivals in their traditional glory — with a taste
of authentic food and a glimpse of traditional dress and customs.
We do not become modern by rejecting traditions, but by moulding regressive
attitudes, reinventing traditions, finding new meanings to old beliefs. Can we
not look afresh at the worship of animals, rivers and celestial objects and
regard it as gratitude and respect for nature and natural resources so that we
may stop abusing the planet we call Mother Earth? Of what use is the
worshipping of kanyas during Ashtami puja if girls are not allowed the freedom
to make their own life choices?
In 1905, when the British decided to divide Bengal on the basis of caste and
religion, Rabindranath Tagore reinvented the festival of Raksha Bandhan, using
it to promote the idea of love and brotherhood among Hindus and Muslims of
Bengal and to bolster the spirit of nationalism. People censure the traditions
of Karva Chauth and Raksha Bandhan as regressive.
No woman who observes Karva Chauth today does so with the blind belief that
fasting will make her husband live longer. It is more a celebration of the
wonderful bond between a couple and it is also not uncommon to see husbands
join the fast with their wives. Similarly, the physical ‘protection’ of a
sister by her brother is not the idea behind Raksha Bandhan anymore. With
siblings spread across the world, it is a day for renewing the beautiful bonds
of childhood.
It is heartening to see girls increasingly taking care of parents in sickness
and old age, providing financial and emotional support. Girls are not just
excelling in traditionally male-dominated spheres, but taking over seamlessly
whatever was once expected of boys. This is modernity. Modernity is the lifting
of the stigma against divorce or remarriage of girls, allowing them economic
independence. Kanya daan is a regressive term that Nandita Das,
actor-filmmaker, challenged some years ago. To ‘give away’ a daughter is
considered the greatest of daans, but it also ‘commodifies’ a girl. Attitudes
attached to such fallacious beliefs drive many girls to kill themselves rather
than walk out of difficult marriages or return to their parents.
Assimilate change
Tradition is not all superstition. Superstitious beliefs are based on fear, not
on facts or reason. These irrational fears originated at a time when people did
not know better and have continued because of our insecurities. But our modern
outlook must enable us to glean what is good from our age-old customs, for, as
Henry James said, “It takes an endless amount of history to make even a little
tradition.”
Westerners are drawn towards the simple Indian way of life, spirituality, yoga
and traditional medicine. When they approve, we take pride in these practices.
We talk of cardio workouts and pilates in swank gyms while the westerners are
drawn towards our total mind-body-spiritually uplifting traditional exercise of
Suryanamaskar; the centuries-old dands and bethaks are back in vogue as Hindu
squats and push-ups. The West with its propensity for research tells us the
benefits of food like garlic, ginger, turmeric, flaxseed, onions and basil that
has been a part of our diets for centuries.
Change is inevitable, we have to embrace change, those that resist it will be
left behind. Those that disregard their roots will lose themselves in an
illusion of modernity. Traditions are our roots, modernity our wings.
An incident that I will always regret for my lack of courage to question a
traditional belief, is also my beacon. It was Holi and the world was drenched
in colour and merriment. All of us were playing with colours outside, but one
of our neighbours, a young widow, stood alone in her balcony watching. I was
hesitant in asking her to join, afraid it might hurt or offend her sentiments
or some social convention. Twenty years later, I wonder if that one step by me,
someone else, or all of us collectively, would have been the one strong-arm she
needed to come out of her forlorn existence, her imposed confinement.
Such social, emotional dilemmas will confront us on this path we tread
balancing tradition and modernity. Some bridges will need to be crossed, others
to be burned. The choice we make will determine where we go
